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Saturday, February 28, 2009

I've been hearing voices telling me that
I
could never be what I wanna be
They're binding me with lies
Haunting me at night
And saying there's nothing to believe
Somewhere in the quietness
I'm overcome with loneliness
I hear You call my name
Like a father You are near
And as I listen I can hear You say

You are a child of Mine
Born of My own design
And you bear the heart of life
No matter where you go
Oh, you will always know
You have been made free in Christ
You are a child of Mine

And so I listen as You tell me who I am
And who it is I'm gonna be
And I hang on every word
Knowing I have heard
I am Yours and I am free
But when I am alone at night
That is when I hear the lie:
You'll never be enough
And though I'm giving into fear
If I listen I can hear You say


-You are a child of Mine by Mark Schultz

smiles @ 15:15.

Covered by Your love divine
Child of the Risen Lord
To hear You say, "This one's mine."
My heart is spoken for

don't you just love this song?haha i love it cos it's so...assuring.like.imagine the creator of the chair you're sitting on, the music you're listening to, the brains that you were given, the food that you eat, the air that you breathe, everything.yup imagine he says to your enemy, "don't you dare touch her/him, she/he is MINE."so cool right.with Him on your side, who can be against you?

haha and if you know me, i'm all about feeling secure and assured.i'm a fragile, not so little thing that needs constant assurance and knowledge that everything is okay.

smiles @ 00:28.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009

ate mel's "happy v day!" chocolates.feeling loads better.(:

i'm a pig.
who was a soft spot for chocolates.
sweeeeeeeeet chocolates.

:D

oh oh oh i passed my ftt evaluation!wasn't that hard after all.

smiles @ 23:46.

i think i'm abnormal.

i'm not into what a seemingly typical youth shld be.like drinking and clubbing and shopping and drinking coffee and being at home only to sleep.i honestly don't think that even stuff like consuming alcoholic drinks and all are going to be hard for me to abstain from in the future.maybe i'm too naive and i haven't grown up yet.people say you'll grow up in secondary school.my mom said you'll mature in jc.but i've been in and out of both, and i still think i'm the same.maybe i'm just too guai.i seriously think guys get scared when they find out that i'm not into drinking and clubbing and shopping and everything else.i don't even drink coffee!maybe i'm just different.

maybe i'm just abnormal.
sigh.

okay sorry for that emo and "who am i?" paragraph.today was the most trying day of my working life so far.i went down to jurong point to get stuff photocopied and binded, and i kinda got lost in that place.it's renovated and really huge by the way, shld go check it out.so anyway, the lady told me to come back in an hour, so i wandered around looking for popular, my new best friend.bought a couple of assessment books and then went back.one hour turned out to be one and a half, so i was seriously late for work already.collected the stuff and took a cab.the driver was telling me about how i shld say go to aye and turn off clementi road and not south bouna vista road, cos that will mean travelling one big round to get to pasir panjang road.then he went on to say how singapore is such a fine country, and that singaporeans will not be scared until they get fined and feel the pinch.typical cynical cab driver i guess.

anyway, the day was still redeemable.there was no tuition to plan for, cos all the nus students were on exam study break.it actually got better, until at night, where generous me decided to do group tuition for the p6 kids.i thought that they would be angels today like yesterday, but ohhh no.long story short, it was a failure.i think i've been bullied by kids already.

how do you be firm with people?i don't think i can.i think i'm like a yes woman.i can't go like, no i'm not submitting to your demands.usually i ignore, but i think it makes situations worse.cos if you don't correct, the kid will think it's okay, or worse, know that you can't be firm and scold.

i don't think i take failures very well.i think it's a problem.

:(

smiles @ 22:34.
Monday, February 23, 2009

on saturday morning my mom asked me if i was going out today, and i said no.

my dad laughed and went, "you have no life!"

sigh.and i thought i was being a good girl.

anyway, i baked on saturday afternoon.cos i have no life and i was really bored.so i made chocolate shortbread with cut out shapes and icing.yes, and i'm satisfied with my products.no burnt batches this time!

on sunday there was soldiership class and after that, david yurong guanyou and i jammed in the audi and made alot of noise.haha.but it was really fun and really cool though.to like just play and sing and do whatever you want.after awhile we all kinda gave up playing, so guanyou played and we just sang.haha and then we tried to harmonise and decorate the song, until we couldn't remember what the melody was anymore.after that we went to graceheaven and sat in for their worship session.it was really enjoyable.so was the food after that.ha.

went for theory practice before work today.sigh.i keep failing the practice papers.and evaluation's on wed.please please please let me pass.the person behind me kept killing his screen.poke poke poke.so distracting.i realise i actually can't wait to get behind the wheel.haha.although i much rather have someone to drive me around.i want to pass on my first time!

smiles @ 23:39.
Monday, February 16, 2009

Hello.okay yixuan tagged me on facebook err.quite long ago.haha oops.but anyway i'm doing it now!haha it's quite hilarious actually.go try!(:

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Everything I Do (I Do For You) - Bryan Adams


WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Cry - Mandy Moore


HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Lucky - Britney Spears


WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Lose Myself - Jeff Deyo


WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Lord Of All - Hillsong London


WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
My Redeemer Lives - Hillsong


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Firefly - A*Teens


WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Joy To The World - Jump5


WHAT IS 2+2?
Cinderella - Steven Curtis Chapman


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
In Christ Alone - Brian Littrell


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Because You Live - Jesse McCartney


WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Diamond - Jump5


WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
The Reason - Hoobastank


WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
When You Look Me In The Eyes - Jonas Brothers


WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
I Believe - Hillsong


WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Pressure - Jump5


WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Tonight - Westlife


WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Nothing But The Blood - Hillsong United


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Forever In My Heart - Jump5


WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Whenever You Remember - Carrie Underwood


HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Someday - Eternal


WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton


WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Can't Stop Praising - Hillsong


WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
I'm Not Ashamed - Hillsong


WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
On My Way - Phil Collins


WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Ever Ever After - Carrie Underwood


DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
I Love Rock N Roll - Britney Spears


IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Wordplay - Jason Mraz


WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Reinforce Love - Lee Ryan


WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
It's Not Me - Lee Ryan

smiles @ 22:46.
Sunday, February 15, 2009

As we purpose to obey You
And to walk in all Your ways
Lord, in every situation
We bring the sacrifice of praise

smiles @ 23:46.
Saturday, February 14, 2009

He's able, He's able
I know He's able
I know my Lord is able to carry me through

He heals the broken-hearted
And sets the captives free
He makes the lame to walk again
And cause the blind to see

i think i've learnt alot this year.although it's only been two months.i've learnt that not everyone has a beautiful life like i do, that despite everything, singapore is a hugely meritocratic country.which kinda throws equality out of the window.haha remainds me of gp lesson with lisa li.yup, i've come to realise that life is not fair, you kinda take what you get, and make the most out of it.i've also realised that there are kids ten years younger than me who have to wash their clothes, wash their shoes, wash the toilet...all on their own, whereas i'm fortunate (and pampered) enough to not make my own bed.that kids my age are facing a life with bleak futures, but still facing it with a smile.kids that have to study and balance their finances and take care of themselves, while i only need to worry if my results can get me into nus.

i've also learnt that life is really fragile.that old people are not the only ones to leave this earth.people across all ages die all over the world.and all for different reasons.you may read it in some newspaper of magazine, and go like, yeah okay.but you'll never imagine someone you actually knew going that way.it's the fourth night, but i really, honestly, believe, with all of my heart, that he'll awake.maybe that's why i havent broken down, or seriously cried yet.maybe i'm heartless, but in my hearts of hearts, i really do believe everything is going to work out.yes, because He is able.

smiles @ 21:25.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009

hi.mentally and physically tired.haha.yes, i love my job.but when you reach home and sink into bed then you realise how tired you are.although i don't know why it is so draining either.

went shopping at popular today.spent like an hour in there flipping through assessment books.then spent like 10mins going in circles trying to find "nice-nice" stickers.the total was two hundred over bucks for like 25 books and 3 sheets of stickers!haha.lugged them all like an auntie and took a bus to work.it's round two on friday, because the new stock of books will be in then.how did i know?cos the auntie me went to ask.actually, i was looking for normal tech syllabus stuff.it's amazing how much stuff there is for express students, and normal academic students even.but the poor normal tech kids have hardly any assessment and enrichment books for them.which doesn't make sense, i mean it's because they are weak that's why we need assessment to help them right?but yes, i know economics, and because people think that normal tech kids probably won't bother to buy, so there won't be a demand, but the express and special stream kids are probably kiasu and so will buying every single thing on the shelf.so anyway, this kind staff pointed me to the bottom shelf, which was like only 3/4-full.she explained only EPB publishing bothers to publish books for the normal tech kids.and even then, only english and maths assessment are published.

it's really sad actually.the kids in the home that are in sec school are mostly in the normal tech stream, those in primary sch are either doing foundation subjects, or are waaay behind in their level.you want to help them, but helping each of them takes up time and focused attention.like one-on-one tuition everyday.and this is a luxury we don't have.everyday i'm given about one-half to two hours to go around all four sections during their study time.that's like 30 kids demanding attention.but you can't spend too long on one person, because there's simply no time.so i can't help them individaully, and assessment books and other help cannot be found for them, how are they ever going to break out of this cycle?i was talking with aunty soohong over dinner, and she said that for these kids, going to ITE is something to celebrate about, much less poly or jc.most of them end up having to find a job after their N levels, and out of the home they go, she says.because by then they'll be above 18.how are these kids ever going to find a stable job, stable income, have a future?

this is so depressing.
i think i need to be fiercer.

smiles @ 22:24.
Sunday, February 01, 2009

hello!
i'm too lazy to blog, but i have been hearing this song repeatedly over the past few weeks, so i just feel like i need to post its lyrics up.i don't know what it means yet, but it'll come to me.meanwhile, maybe there is someone out there who might happen to stumble upon my blog and find hope or a reminder from the lyrics.so yup, this is for you.

err.would anyone happen to know who was the original artiste of this song?haha there's too many versions and too many different pple who have done this song.

Over the mountains and the seas
Your river runs with love for me
And I will open up my heart and let
The Healer set me free
I'm happy to be in the truth
And I will daily lift my hands
For I will always sing
Of when Your love came down

I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever

Oh I feel like dancing
It's foolishness I know
But when the world has seen the light
They will dance with joy
Like we're dancing now

- I could sing of Your love forever
by Delirious?

smiles @ 23:29.

deeply loved

RACHEL
26`o5; child of GOD.

greatly blessed, deeply loved. <3
hello


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